Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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