Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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