It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
