ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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