im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
