I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think my moral compass just broke
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