half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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