then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize