If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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