have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
