Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
