i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
