Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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