The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize