Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish I only lived at night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize