If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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