Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
