how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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