I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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