You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
