Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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