she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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