I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
