I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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