talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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