Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Couch. On fire.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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