I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
