you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
