What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize