y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
