I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
