he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
