I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
