Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
