Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What a dumb baby whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize