I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
