I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
