end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
