Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
