11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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