he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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