im holly from the hills drunk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
