Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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