Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i drank out of a bidet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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