Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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