Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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