im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
