She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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