I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
