Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dick very happy bro
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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