I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
