i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
