every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
