rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
