Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The power of my boobs compel you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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