if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
