I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
