i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
