i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
