:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
