you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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