it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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