eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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