Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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