I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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