What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He did a backflip because drugs
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