im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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