According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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