In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
