an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Text me some of your sweat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
