He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
