Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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