remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
