I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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