true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
