I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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