**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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