why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she told me i tasted like america
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
